Of TV, Radio, and Games that Kids Play

I'm possibly the least informed person on this planet especially when it comes to what's hot on TV and on the radio. I can count to less than ten the number of times I've watched TV since I've had my cable disconnected in June last year. The truth is, the only reason I was so gung-ho about paying for the monthly subscription for years was purely because of House, Heroes, and Bones.

But not even my love of Dr. House could make me pay for a monthly fee that more often than not provided lousy (customer) service. I sure miss watching TV and I've often wondered what happened to those shows I've been following. My TV stayed silent and unused for more than six months. This is probably why when I tried to open it last week, it didn't even do anything but stay quiet. Now I'm thinking, it's probably busted for good. I didn't realize that it would get broken when I don't use it for a long time.

With no TV and no radio in my room, I'm practically clueless on who are the celebrities of this generation. I therefore find it fascinating to listen to people who seen to know everything about the lives of public figures.

Fortunately for me I have a long ride to work everyday and I seem to have the knack of flagging FX's whose drivers like listening to this station where Christsuper and Nicole Iyala host a regular show. It's because of this instances that I discovered that I actually enjoy listening to these two.

This morning, Nicole Iyala was talking about how it's nice if kids would play more with others like they used to do when she was a kid. Now, I don't know if Nicole and I are from the same generation but I share her views on this one. Before kids play more with their friends (not the virtual kind that kids now seem to be more accustomed to playing with). Games like bahay-bahayan, tumbang preso, piko, luksong-tinik or luksong-baka, habulan, taguan, etc. were the popular choices at that time.

Today kids have more options and the more popular ones seem to be those played on the Internet. This only means less time for them to play outside and "socialize" with other kids.While this may not be a bad thing (since things evolve and change after all and it's futile wishing for the old ways to stick), it does have its dangers.

What I find really alarming and sad about this whole thing is the unnecessary but sometimes unavoidable exposure to information or things that are not appropriate for their age. Perhaps one of the most recent news that shocked me was about the "Rapeplay" video game that Amazon pulled off from their virtual shelves.

"Rapeplay" is supposedly (since I haven't actually seen one) "a computer game that lets players simulate raping girls". I think the report illustrates the danger of inadvertent exposure to inappropriate content. Warnings and notices aside, there's always a chance that some people would opt to use available material on the Internet that might end up viewed or downloaded by kids.

Simply Bliss

Mayee's back from her YinYang stint. Apart from having her sweet and sunny presence back, she returned with my first ever SIGG water bottle! :-) I've been soooooo excited to have one since I first saw it featured here.

I got my bottle since just before lunch this morning and it's been sitting on my desk for hours now, still unused. The thing is, it looks really new and shiny and clean there that I don't have the heart to use it yet.

Mayee has a cute .6L bottle and Christian got a flask and both designs are the coolest. Argh! Now I'm thinking I need to seriously save more money so I can buy myself another one.

A Life Less Complicated

I needed a break - got myself one.

I wanted to take one step back - ended up taking three.

Sticking it out is a need. The need sustains the passion. If the need continues to cause what amounts to a sustained crushing of the broken little pieces of my heart, then so be it. For now, the need still makes me explore and pursue what I'm passionate about.

Simple things. Need meeting want.

When Water Overflows

This idea has been going around for ages. It still proves to be true. Things that happen repeatedly eventually loses its impact. Let's use as an example a recurring disappointment or a wish that you keep hoping for. If the same things happen over and over and over again, they gradually begin not to matter.

It's really like filling a glass with water. Once the glass fills up, all the water you keep pouring in it gets wasted.

I now feel that it's futile to care for some things that shouldn't matter anymore. Let go. Let it slide.

I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, there's a limit to that human capacity to care.

A Recollection on Prayer

My friend and dragon boat teammate Anna Liese invited me to a seminar on prayer held yesterday at Union Church of Manila (UCM). The event was organized by UCM and Open Hearts Open Minds.

When I accepted the invitation, I had no idea who the speaker would be or how it would be conducted. Somehow, knowing that it’s a seminar on prayer was enough for me. It was therefore a very nice surprise to discover that the speaker was Father Thomas H. Green, S.J. Father Green is a spiritual director and a prolific writer of books on prayer and spirituality.

The seminar (or recollection as Father Green calls it) was very timely especially after my family’s recent loss. On a more personal level, I wanted to process some specific events during our time in Cebu that shook my belief in the act of praying. Perhaps one of the most trying times for me during that period of mourning and handling all funeral arrangements for my Lolo was the experience with the second wife’s prayer group (my Lolo became a Catholic after he remarried).

My Lola was a Protestant so I have vivid memories of the family’s daily prayers at dawn in my grandparents’ home and Sunday services at the UCCP in Davao City. But despite being devoted to their faith, I felt the openness of it. I grew up very open to other faiths as well.

Religious preferences have never been an issue. I even have a Tito and Tita who chose to become Catholics and I don’t remember that creating any ripple at all in the family. I even went to a high school run by the Society of Jesus. My stint in that school instilled in me a great respect for the Jesuits.

I think it’s because of my upbringing and exposure to different faiths that I haven’t been one to encourage religious debates or to allow myself to see religious denominations as a barrier for treating others as fellow children of God. And I’ve been exposed to a lot of people to believe that there are many who share this belief. This is probably why I was unprepared to find myself around people who taught me that sometimes faith without discernment can breed certain prejudices.

To my utmost disappointment, the second wife’s friends and prayer group challenged my perception. Without going to the sad and painful details, there were several decisions made by the girl that were heavily influenced by the group. And all these decisions were made without regard or respect for us in the family who were grieving as well.Apart from the extremely inconsiderate behaviors I’ve observed, there was also that matter of money. At first I thought the traditional prayers done by rote were sincerely given for someone they’ve known and said to respect. But it seems that even prayers need to be paid.

The seminar helped me process the desolation that was gripping me. I guess at this point I need to teach myself to forgive for I’m still honestly filled with grief and anger over everything that’s happened. I need to understand and accept this because I’m done feeling all these negative emotions.

Father Green said that loving is not liking, that God asked us to love our neighbors. He said God didn't mention anything about liking everyone. Love is an act of will and like is about feeling. To love is to desire the good of others regardless of how we feel about them.

I think that loving is really the most difficult thing to do. But sometimes, to choose to love can be a form of penance or purification as we seek to step closer to that place and time where we hope to see God.

I wish I could choose to love and start by forgiving them:
-For insisting that we bury my Lolo there instead of bringing him home to Davao
-For leaving us alone to fend for ourselves in an unfamiliar place
-For finding out that the family would take care of all the arrangements and fees despite the fact that it was them who insisted that we bury him there
-For not even offering words of sympathy and for treating us like we’re not my Lolo’s family as well
-For always demanding as if we have an obligation to them especially in providing money for the prayers that their traditions require

It’s been a truly difficult time, and continues to be still. It’s hard not to react in anger from the continued demands. I hope things get better. As I write, things are already looking up. God’s purpose for all of these will unveil itself in due time.

(Image used was found on the Internet.)

Of Poems and Calligraphy

I've been looking for more translations of Mitsuo Aida's works on the Internet for a few days now. I've recently posted one of the variations of his poem about "tomatoes" here and was since inspired to find English translations of his masterpieces.

This is probably why I was very eager to share to Tom (our Japanese colleague) that I've recently joined the ranks of the calligrapher's staunch admirers (too bad I can't, for now, yet read his original works and have to rely on translations). It turns out that Tom's a fan also and that he makes it a point to visit Mitsuo Aida's museum whenever he's in Tokyo.

He then shared this calligraphy and one of the variations of "tomatoes".

Once again, I'm amazed by the genius of a man who reminded me that the simplest things contain intangible treasures that resonate to the heart and soul.

A Random Thought

I don't have to be best buddies with a person to respect him/her.But getting my respect,is an entirely tricky and tedious process.Not that a lot would want to.I'm pretty much good at keeping to myself.Consider it a character flaw, but as soon as my finely-tuned senses pick up signs that I'm being labeled then I make it a point to not prove it otherwise.

Today something about my gay friends and acquaintances gave me pause.I've always wondered how I seem to find myself connecting with them.Personality-wise,I might as well be on the opposite side of the spectrum.I'm far too serious that I find it amazing I can easily relate with them.

I think it's about them being open and real.Not that I'm saying they're always nice.I've seen and experience how they can be mean but I keep thinking,they are the people who have endured so much just to be who they are right now. I think, regardless of anyone's personal views and beliefs about the issue,they are people who essentially sought to find themselves and chose to live the way their hearts tell them to.

So why am I suddenly thinking about all of these? I guess it's because I admire how Paul and Jake try to reach out and be helpful even in the most trying circumstances. This once again proves the point that acts of kindness is not exclusive to circles of friends. I think this shows that sometimes, the kindness that resonates is the one that is most difficult to give but is given anyway.

No Other Way But Up

I've always believed what a friend told me when I was in college (although I can't quite recall now who said it but the idea stuck). It was about how we carry along when we fall so hard in the darkest, deepest pit we could possibly imagine. I've had my share of discussions along these lines. See, being young, uprooted from the quiet life of the province, and exploring the complexities of independence of college life somehow made me feel like I've been handed out a license to milk all the dramas of life for all its worth.

The friend said that if we really think about it, when we're down at the bottom of the pit we fell into there's really no other way but up. The idea was of course kind of cold if we hear it just when we've recently fallen. It seems cold, harsh even. But if we really look at the logic behind it, it kind of makes sense.

I remember thinking my friend was right. I thought then, if I somehow fell and found myself alive after the experience, no amount of pain or suffering can erase the fact that I survived the fall. I think the survival part is the crucial thing here. If I somehow managed to keep myself alive, breathing, and functioning regardless of the circumstances then perhaps God has a reason for me to have somehow survived the fall.

I've long embraced this belief and I'd say that it has proven to be an anchor in all those stormy days I've been. Perhaps one thing that I've learned to accept as well from previous experiences is that it's important to be fully present inside that pit. Sometimes, it's easy to pretend that I'm in a better place, that I'm nowhere near that dark, cold, and hopeless place. Most times, it's easy for the mind to be elsewhere. But I learned that it's much easier for me to recover when I allow myself to feel every pain. This is critical because it is always when I embrace the moment that I discover that it is not a place I would want to be in for the rest of my life. And I guess that's the time I begin to look up and find the strength to start the climb.

The beauty of falling is that when we hit bottom we couldn't be any lower. And once there, we'd begin to realize that indeed, there's no other way but up.

*(Image from the Internet)