Chasing Buses

My first time to watch an episode of this Koreanovela currently running at GMA 7 and I immediately saw a dramatic "chasing the bus scene". I wonder what's with all of these chasing buses and cars stuff. Most of the Koreanovelas I loved, and even the Taiwanese Meteor Garden I got addicted to before, have variations of those.

It's certainly melodramatic and a bit over the top sometimes. But, melodrama notwithstanding, I kind of think chasing buses, cars, or even bicycles is sweet. The fact that most people would probably cringe in embarrassment with just the thought of doing it makes it endearing.

I'm not sure though which role I'd enjoy doing more if I were to play the part either in reel or for real. Being chased has its appeals, imagine the comfort of just sitting in a bus and the added bonus of finally seeing such raw feelings from someone. But then again, between helplessly looking at something slowly fade away and completely losing myself in the moment by trying to reach something I couldn't, I'd probably choose the latter.

Whatever.

Change

My friend invited me to dinner tonight, her treat, since I'm already leaving this Sunday. She suggested that we meet at Starbucks in Harbor View Plaza, CCP Complex first then just choose where to have dinner from among the wide array of restaurants there.

I was at the meeting place early so I had plenty of time to sit back and enjoy the view. And oh my, what a view it was! I forgot how beautiful the sunset at Manila Bay could be. Without consciously doing so, I chose a table outside of Starbucks that afforded me a good view of both the bay and the plaza itself.

It was at that moment of sitting there waiting for my friend that I realized how significant the place has been to me. It was there that I learned more about discipline, focus, hard work, determination, and teamwork. Seeing what the place has become made me think that nothing ever really stays the same. Things evolve into something. It is hard to say if the change is for the better or worse. There would always be different perspectives in regard to that. From where I stand, Harbor View gives more people a chance to see and experience the beauty of the place.

I am among those who are lucky to have years worth of memories there - of early morning runs at CCP Complex, of paddling in the waters of Manila Bay, of training under bright skies or even in stormy weathers, of working hard for a dream and achieving it, of friendships forged, and of learning to appreciate nature more.

The pictures I have in my mind are pretty, and that was even before Harbor View was there. It is still pretty now, different - yes, but somehow it feels the same. Maybe change is like that. Nothing is really lost or replaced. The essence would always be there.


(Photo from the Internet)

Just For A While

I am not into goodbyes of whatever form. But personal feelings aside, I would say I am up to the task when the situation warrants it. Besides, I believe that everyday all of us say goodbye to something though often we may not be aware of it. Looking at it that way, I guess being fully conscious of saying farewell is much better than not having the chance to knowingly do so.

Today was about saying au revoir to something important to me. It was not easy given that I have been involved with the organization for thirteen years now. It has consistently provided me with several learning opportunities over the years, which is why I had plans of giving back by devoting more time and effort to it.

I am sad that some of those plans would be delayed. But I know that the chance to give back would always be there. This goodbye would only be just for a little while. Besides, my peers said I could still pursue what we do even if I am based somewhere else. They are right. I am sure I would find a way.

I left our meeting with a light heart. It is good to take away with me good relationships with people I have learned to respect. Knowing that they are leading the organization gives me the confidence that things would be well.

• Mood: chipper

Things

Packing-up is probably one of the tasks I find particularly daunting. This is probably why I am not above sidestepping thoughts of moving out from a place even with the enticing promise of better accommodations. Staying put is often a better choice for me than going through the entire packing/unpacking experience.

The last time I packed-up all my stuff was a full year after a best friend, who I was sharing an apartment with for years, left because she was going to have a baby. When my friend moved out, it was only practical that I should consider doing so as well since staying meant being saddled with rent and utility payments that would definitely cost twice than I used to pay. But I somehow managed to drag my feet in doing what was prudent because I was not keen on packing and hauling my things to a new place. It was silly but I am kind of wired that way.

When I finally made my big move more than two years ago, I told myself I would stick around at my current place for as long as it takes. Such was my resolve that I succeeded in overlooking several things and instances that I was not happy about in my new place, just so I did not have to move out again. It is always about the bottom line for me, i.e. bottom line: avoid the big P thing.

Today though, I am about to start doing what I have been consciously avoiding for some time now. I have two days to pack all my stuff. I bought balikbayan boxes already. I was pretty sure that I would be able to fit everything in them and in my suitcases and bags. I was confident I would finish everything within schedule. Unfortunately, I seemed to have seriously underestimated my capacity to accumulate things. As I started packing only one thought came to mind, and that was, "How the f*_@^# did I get to have all these things?".

It is a bit overwhelming to look at all my things. There is just no way I would keep all of these. And there lies another challenge, choosing things I would keep and which ones I need to let go.

Someday I see myself less intimidated by this task. For now though, I am considering this as another opportunity to elevate my packing skills.

• Location:room
• Mood: silly

(Photo from here.)

It's still working

My desk fan just gave up on me. I've had it for more than two years now so it isn't all that bad considering my history of short-term ownerships of its predecessors. Since that time I left home to go to college until today, I've owned a lot of electric fans that I won't even try to count seeing that I probably wouldn't remember most of them.

Being the least domestic person I know who loves staying at home whenever possible is probably one of the many ironies of my life. If only I have at least an ounce of domesticity in me, I'd probably pay closer attention to my appliances and take better care of them. As it is, I don't do much of that until they just conk out on me.

I've been in a state of denial with this one for some time now. I just pushed the thought of it breaking down at the back of my mind. I thought that since I only have a few days left before the big move, the desk fan would somehow last until then. I was wrong though. Tonight, the desk fan's head just fell off and it's obviously staying broken despite my best efforts to put it back together.

The first thing that crossed my mind was how much more could I possibly take on top of everything that's on my mind right now. I certainly don't want to think about the possibility of buying a new one seeing that my budget is unbelievably stretched already. Besides, I don't need a new desk fan because I'll be leaving soon anyway.

But as soon as the cloud of despair started to roll in, I noticed that the desk fan was still working. The head was still separated from the rest of it but it still worked. I think that it hasn't fully given up on me yet. I don't think I've given it much thought until now. Funny how the prospect of completely losing it prompts me to take a much closer look at it.

This one would still be working next week. I'm sure of that. And when I go, I'll be leaving it behind. But I'll always remember this moment when I got to spend time paying close attention to something that I've sadly neglected for so long.

Unknowns

Someday I might be lucky to find some of life's difficult answers. Who knows, right? But for now I'm settling with a slew of unknowns. Experience has taught me that the unknowns are the only constant things especially during difficult times. And speaking of difficult times, crisis is just one of the many things that fall under the category. I've recently stumbled upon Dr. John H. Sklare's take on crisis and I just can't resist re-posting a part of it below:

"When crisis suddenly shows up in your life, you would be well served if you took on the mindset of a samurai jiu-jitsu warrior. In other words, instead of using all of your strength and willpower fighting the crisis, why not find a way to use the energy of the crisis in its own defeat? Every situation is different so it’s a bit tough to be specific, but generally speaking, every crisis offers more than just emotional pain and life interruption. It also offers the opportunity to hone your coping skills, learn more about life and grow as a person. If framed in this manner, you can do more than simply endure a crisis. You can actually use a crisis to find a happier and healthier life if you approach it with the attitude of a samurai warrior and employ crisis jiu-jitsu."

Meaningful, although sometimes very painful, lessons can be learned amidst difficult times. At the end of the day, coming face-to-face with them is an opportunity to get a glimpse of the things I often fail to see. Each lesson, no matter how hard it could sometimes get, puts people and circumstances in that special part of my heart reserved for those that help me grow.

Here's To Both The Good and The Bad

I noted two random things while I was on my way to the office earlier. First one was when I was along España where I saw a policeman receiving and secretly pocketing Php20.00 from a jeepney driver. The flawless execution of that split-second act makes me think that it must not have been the first time it happened. It usually takes a lot of practice to perform something smoothly.

The second one I observed along E. Rodriguez. As soon as it started to rain, two people inside a private vehicle bought all the rags this little girl was hawking in the middle of traffic. There was a certain bounce on the little girl's gait as she walked away.

Free will is a beautiful thing. We always have the luxury of choice. We choose what we acknowledge and recognize. We wear different lenses that afford us the cushions of choosing our reality. But I think optimism and pessimism are overrated. Seeing only the good does not eliminate the bad. Focusing on the bad can never deny the goodness in this world. There is always an invisible scale that balances everything out. It is what we choose to do with what we believe that would make the difference.

(Image found on the Internet)

A Sink With An Open Drain

People have this funny way of endearing themselves to us and in equal measure, the potential to ignite intense emotions such as anger and frustration from us. It is always the way it is because, perhaps, that is how we learn about ourselves and our relationships with others.

In Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy there was this episode entitled Enough Is Enough (No More Tears) where two quotes stuck in my head. Both quotes were from Meredith, the first one she addressed to George when she said, "What are you doing with Olivia? You're letting her think you're emotionally available. You're letting her think she has a chance. And there is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don't." The other one when she told Derek, "I am a sink with an open drain, and anything you say runs straight out."

The line that stuck in my head in the first quote was the part where Meredith said, "...there is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don't". I dare say that much of what causes this problem is the lack of honesty and candidness in most relationships, be it personal or professional. Being nice is not as simple as it used to be. A person's character may show genuine niceness but in this day and age, it seems that it is personality and not character that takes precedence. Niceness is taking on a whole new dimension and the complexity of it just boggles the mind.

Meredith has a point when she lamented that the worst thing anyone could feel is to think that s/he has a chance when the reality of it points to not really having one. This is where being cruel is better than being nice. If we really think about it, wouldn't it be more humane to hurt people at the onset by being honest and candid to them rather than playing nice?

By playing nice, we could probably get more of what we want from people but where would that leave them? This is where caring comes in. Caring is not just about everything sweet and peaceful, sometimes it may require us to find the courage to hurt because we want what's good and fair for others. There are instances that it is better to make people feel they're valued rather than drowning them in niceness, confusing them with words that may contradict actions.

Honesty and candidness may sound simple but I think it is becoming harder and harder to achieve than it used to be. In most cases, society dictates the rules. Sadly, going off track from what society defines as acceptable behavior is tantamount to inviting trouble and labels. No one is as quick to put labels on people but those who are happily ensconced in the comforts of society's acceptance.

This brings me to Meredith's second statement about being a sink with an open drain. It makes me think about a human being's capacity to absorb things. I believe people are blessed with resilience and patience to take just about anything from any relationship. However, there is always a limit to what people can take. When it reaches that point that things get beyond too much, there is just no way to absorb anything more.

(Image from the Internet)