Saturday, August 16, 2008

Commitment issues

I have commitment issues. I’m stymied by my own doubts and laziness. I think I should start writing my short-term goals down again. There’s something about writing goals down that, well, sort of urges me to commit. Maybe it’s my penchant for crossing off accomplished tasks on the list that provides that feeling of accomplishment. Regardless of how simple or insignificant the finished task may be, knowing that I’ve done something makes me happy.

I’ve been doing mental lists of action items that I thought are important for me to do. There’s the plan to go running again. Let me see, how many times have I been telling myself to do that? I’ve been delaying this plan for months now. Consequently, I’m sure that my current weight is my heaviest so far. I’ve been shying away from weighing myself in the past months. Now, maybe that’s another problem. Not seeing the numbers gives me an excuse not to commit.

It’s definitely a different kind of commitment I need now. I’m refocusing all my energies and resolve to things that require my attention. It’s not just for the sake of losing myself into things that provide the highest returns in terms of learning and growth. On a more personal and selfish level, I need to commit on something that would steer me away from this shadow that I’ve become.

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