Purposely in Love

I have always loved Sex and the City because it was a sort of “coming out” for women stories that are often relegated to the darkest corners of society’s consciousness. The show is essentially about women who challenged stereotypes. But I think the core message was really about being human, touching on things that transcend gender boundaries, things that shook the rafters of dogmatic pedestals where stacks of boxes sit and accumulate dust.

I was probably among the millions of fans who followed the show closely and got really excited when the movie came out. I watched the movie without expectations though, which is probably why I was happy with how the story unfolded.

Once again, SATC managed to weave such a colorful story, so colorful that I got caught up in a swirl of powerful emotions that opened the lids of seemingly forgotten thoughts and feelings. That was one of those moments that I wished I was a writer. I had all the stuff in my head about stories created, developed, ended and shelved. These were stories collected and many of which were about finding love, losing it and moving on.

There will be no attempts from me to write those stories though. Instead, I will try to write about random thoughts that popped in my head post-SATC. And here’s me hoping I caught those fleeting thoughts that I am sure were just filed away in the many bookshelves somewhere between my ears.

On love – I think it is inevitable. It is simple yet complicated. It could either have a happy or a tragic ending. I have had my share of tragic love stories and yet, I remain to be a strong believer of love.

On moving on – It is a nasty feeling to have your heart broken. But really, there is not much choice but to move on. It is pretty much like falling in a deep gorge – if you end up alive at the bottom, then it means that you are meant to live. And while you are there broken, you wait and allow yourself time to heal. This is the time you focus on every pain you feel until such time you do not feeling anything at all. Then you begin to look around and realize that you no longer want to be in that place. And then you look up and see the light. You realize that there is no other way but up and you decide that you do want to go back up. So you begin to climb, without fear and without hesitation. You climb without fear because falling is something that no longer scares you anymore. You have fallen hard and survived. The possibility of another fall is something you live with. It neither daunts you nor stops you from moving on.

On being the one – I can be the one. I am among the multitude of people looking for love. But it is not something that validates my entire existence. Everything comes in due time. And in the meantime: I work, practice sanshou, play futsal, enjoy learning capoeira, run, row, fulfill my duties as a rowing international umpire, prepare myself to be an international sanshou judge, do volunteer works, travel, read, try to be a good daughter/sister/friend and continue doing more. I live.

As for the love I am looking for, he will come. He will be the one who looks beyond that is seen, recognize that I am worth a lot and would bravely give his love regardless of whatever doubts or fears he may feel.