I could do with a little insensitivity. It's not just because I'm a sensitive person by nature but rather, I do get tired of taking bullets for caring too much. I remember my last one-on-one with a boss who I greatly admire. I think it was a testament to her people skills that she got me sticking around far longer than I intended to. She told me that I always, always, take the bullet for others. And then she asked if I ever did think about if the same people would do the same for me. She said something that really stuck in my mind. She told me that perhaps it is time I should think about myself.
It's been a year and I'm still mulling about what she said. I think that the moment she uttered those words to me something shifted. I don't know if it led me to an epiphany or if it made an impact enough to change me. All I know is, the message stuck in my head and resurfaces from time to time. And it makes me think that maybe, just maybe, it's some sort of a catalyst that's changing me right at this very moment.
I'm not sure about many things in this life. And that's probably the reason why I love living it. The uncertainty is like a big adventure that brings me both the good and the bad that never fail to stretch me. If there's something I can be proud of is that I get by whatever life throws at me. I accept things as they are because my faith sustains me.
I have faith. I have passion. I believe. The three things I live by never failed to cushion every fall and strengthened me to get back up every single time. But I think what makes me overcome life's curveballs is the conviction that I'm sincere in whatever I choose to do. And I don't believe in putting others down just to get ahead.
I never did please many people because it's not just the way I'm wired. I've never been good in sugarcoating truths and insults. I'm brutally honest and I can be very straightforward with the truth. To the uninformed and the misinformed, I can be all the things the people who hate me say about me. And I'd be dishonest to say that I don't care because I do.
I do care about what people say about me especially if they're those I care about in my own quiet way. Looking back, the people who hurt me most were the same ones I've quietly moved my own little mountains for. Maybe that's why sensitivity rears its ugly head. I'm only human to feel that I deserve better.
Lately, I'm thinking how the past year showed me who my real friends are. And the experience further made me realize that judging people by their personality does not make one a better person. It's how one discovers the character that hides behind diverse trappings that defines the kind of person he or she is.
I could do with a little, no... more I think, insensitivity. Insensitivity to care less and to refrain from throwing myself out to a hail of bullets for those who least deserve it.
(photo from somewhere on the Internet)