Ultimate Dreams

I rarely dream in my sleep, which is probably why I find it unsettling to have recurring ones. When something plays in my head it's hard not to deconstruct. But the thing is, some things are beyond deconstructing. I'm thinking maybe sometimes, there are things that I'm not meant to understand.

I used to wonder about chasing pavements. Now, a part of me seems to be chasing dreams that I dare not overanalyze. As my brod said, no use thinking about what's not there especially if it's something that would just make me long for what I couldn't have.

I Could Do With A Little Insensitivity

I could do with a little insensitivity. It's not just because I'm a sensitive person by nature but rather, I do get tired of taking bullets for caring too much. I remember my last one-on-one with a boss who I greatly admire. I think it was a testament to her people skills that she got me sticking around far longer than I intended to. She told me that I always, always, take the bullet for others. And then she asked if I ever did think about if the same people would do the same for me. She said something that really stuck in my mind. She told me that perhaps it is time I should think about myself.

It's been a year and I'm still mulling about what she said. I think that the moment she uttered those words to me something shifted. I don't know if it led me to an epiphany or if it made an impact enough to change me. All I know is, the message stuck in my head and resurfaces from time to time. And it makes me think that maybe, just maybe, it's some sort of a catalyst that's changing me right at this very moment.

I'm not sure about many things in this life. And that's probably the reason why I love living it. The uncertainty is like a big adventure that brings me both the good and the bad that never fail to stretch me. If there's something I can be proud of is that I get by whatever life throws at me. I accept things as they are because my faith sustains me.

I have faith. I have passion. I believe. The three things I live by never failed to cushion every fall and strengthened me to get back up every single time. But I think what makes me overcome life's curveballs is the conviction that I'm sincere in whatever I choose to do. And I don't believe in putting others down just to get ahead.

I never did please many people because it's not just the way I'm wired. I've never been good in sugarcoating truths and insults. I'm brutally honest and I can be very straightforward with the truth. To the uninformed and the misinformed, I can be all the things the people who hate me say about me. And I'd be dishonest to say that I don't care because I do.

I do care about what people say about me especially if they're those I care about in my own quiet way. Looking back, the people who hurt me most were the same ones I've quietly moved my own little mountains for. Maybe that's why sensitivity rears its ugly head. I'm only human to feel that I deserve better.

Lately, I'm thinking how the past year showed me who my real friends are. And the experience further made me realize that judging people by their personality does not make one a better person. It's how one discovers the character that hides behind diverse trappings that defines the kind of person he or she is.

I could do with a little, no... more I think, insensitivity. Insensitivity to care less and to refrain from throwing myself out to a hail of bullets for those who least deserve it.

(photo from somewhere on the Internet)

Ang munti ko ring pangarap

"Minsan (o sige na nga, madalas), ang naiisip ko lang: Kahit anong klase ng buhay ang meron at magkakaroon ako, isa lang naman talaga ang gusto kong constant: ang magbasa ng magagandang libro/magazines at the end of each day. Masaya na ako dun, pramis. Kung ‘di pa ‘yan ang tinatawag na payak na pangarap, ewan ko na lang." ~ Mayee Corpin

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.