People have this funny way of endearing themselves to us and in equal measure, the potential to ignite intense emotions such as anger and frustration from us. It is always the way it is because, perhaps, that is how we learn about ourselves and our relationships with others.
In Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy there was this episode entitled Enough Is Enough (No More Tears) where two quotes stuck in my head. Both quotes were from Meredith, the first one she addressed to George when she said, "What are you doing with Olivia? You're letting her think you're emotionally available. You're letting her think she has a chance. And there is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don't." The other one when she told Derek, "I am a sink with an open drain, and anything you say runs straight out."
The line that stuck in my head in the first quote was the part where Meredith said, "...there is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don't". I dare say that much of what causes this problem is the lack of honesty and candidness in most relationships, be it personal or professional. Being nice is not as simple as it used to be. A person's character may show genuine niceness but in this day and age, it seems that it is personality and not character that takes precedence. Niceness is taking on a whole new dimension and the complexity of it just boggles the mind.
Meredith has a point when she lamented that the worst thing anyone could feel is to think that s/he has a chance when the reality of it points to not really having one. This is where being cruel is better than being nice. If we really think about it, wouldn't it be more humane to hurt people at the onset by being honest and candid to them rather than playing nice?
By playing nice, we could probably get more of what we want from people but where would that leave them? This is where caring comes in. Caring is not just about everything sweet and peaceful, sometimes it may require us to find the courage to hurt because we want what's good and fair for others. There are instances that it is better to make people feel they're valued rather than drowning them in niceness, confusing them with words that may contradict actions.
Honesty and candidness may sound simple but I think it is becoming harder and harder to achieve than it used to be. In most cases, society dictates the rules. Sadly, going off track from what society defines as acceptable behavior is tantamount to inviting trouble and labels. No one is as quick to put labels on people but those who are happily ensconced in the comforts of society's acceptance.
This brings me to Meredith's second statement about being a sink with an open drain. It makes me think about a human being's capacity to absorb things. I believe people are blessed with resilience and patience to take just about anything from any relationship. However, there is always a limit to what people can take. When it reaches that point that things get beyond too much, there is just no way to absorb anything more.
(Image from the Internet)