Enough Could Mean Almost Anything

Okay, I admit, little persistent me doesn't find it easy to let go. I find it easy to come up with crazy thoughts like *I think I've had enough of this shit. I'll try to go off-course for a bit and test the waters. Who knows? A change of course may just be what I need.*

But I'm such a sucker to obligations that I tend to end up not doing anything about my decisions. Then something happens that just makes me do things without thought or reason. It's when I stand up, go, not look back, and not feel anything but absolute freedom and lightness. More importantly, I feel the bliss of overcoming extreme reactions to things that pushed me to the edge.

I like it when I'm in that zone. That's the place where nothing else matters except what matters to me. Sometimes, enough simply means: step back and breathe. This makes me think really hard now, how often do I say enough? And what do I really think about saying enough? Does it mean I cop out? Or is it just a reminder to consistently find time to step back and see if the course is good to continue on or a little veering off is needed.

I've said enough last week. I even challenged myself to do things, most of them I routinely do before anyway, just so I'd wake myself up from this stupor I'm in. Still, after seven days, I haven't even started doing most of them. I didn't even thought much about them. Until last night when I suddenly and strongly felt I've had enough. It was in that moment that without any conscious thought, I called it a day and went home much much earlier than usual.

Enough doesn't mean I'm copping out. Enough is not being irresponsible. Enough is just a temperature check that could mean almost anything. Now, what I do after I've indulged myself with all these enough business is another story. And that should be enough fodder for my blogs.

Beware Of What You Don't Wish For

(FISA Olympic Continental Qualification Regatta For Asia
Shanghai Water Sports Complex
April 25-27, 2008)

I think among the many duties that an umpire gets to do, it is Umpiring duties that I am a bit dreadful of. It is such a huge responsibility and definitely, it is during an Umpire's watch that a lot could happen.



A 2,000-meter stretch of water is like forever. It takes about less than eight/seven minutes for a rower to cross the finish line and yet it feels much much longer than that.

Once the race starts, and the boats have crossed the 100-meter mark, then the Umpire is on his/her own. Judgment calls and so on. Concentration is paramount. Focusing is essential. Guylaine (FISA Umpiring Commission Continental Representative) told us, "Always, always, it is in that brief moment when an umpire loses his/her focus that something happens". And that absolutely makes sense.

The first day of races dawned bright but cold...really, really cold. The wind made the biting cold more harsh. Nicholas handed us the sheet containing the information on our assignments for the first day of races. I looked at the sheet and immediately found my name.

I am Umpire boat no. 2. Four umpires on the water since there is just 10 minutes interval between races. Four umpires, and a lot of heats. And I am an Umpire in these races.

Why am I not surprised?

Blindsided By A Malware

(FISA Olympic Continental Qualification Regatta For Asia
Shanghai Water Sports Complex
April 25-27, 2008)

A USB malware wiped out ALL of Nicholas’ (FISA Umpiring Commission Chair for Asia) files in his laptop. The race summary lists, heat lists, progressions, umpires’ assignments sheet, umpiring exam sheets, updated umpiring seminar files, they were ALL gone. Nicholas tried for hours to recover what he could but unfortunately, most of the files had to be built again from scratch.

Dr. Siu (from Hong Kong) jokingly told Nicholas (while looking at me) that next time, he better make sure that he has Trend Micro product installed in his laptop. The Japanese umpires, Koji-san and Azuma-san, laughed and agreed with him.

At the end of the day, we managed to have all the requisite forms ready. Nicholas is Nicholas, after all.

But I could not help but think that malware is also an important concern in the upcoming Olympics. Imagine if all the results get wiped out? Or whatever important data needed to run the various events in the Games? Now, THAT would be a problem.

No Room For Fear

(FISA Olympic Continental Qualification Regatta For Asia
Shanghai Water Sports Complex
April 25-27, 2008)

I am the youngest umpire here, both in age and experience. I honestly am nervous for what lies ahead. There is just too much at stake. The atmosphere is rife with intense focus on a singular goal, to qualify for the Olympics.

While I am thinking about all these, my eyes zeroed in on the trees not far from the Starter's Tower. I cannot explain why but my doubts suddenly began to fade. I sense the wisdom of the trees, the resilience of the earth, the fluidity and calmness of the water, the intellect and speed of the wind. I feel as if all these things triggered this burning passion to deliver my best despite all the doubts and fear.

I am nervous. Yes I am. But that is a good sign. I am nervous because I am now acknowledging the presence of fear. I am allowing fear to come closer. I am now face to face with it. Looking at it in a much closer distance diminishes its power. I have seen fear from up close and I am still standing.

Fear is a friend. It connects me to so many things which I may otherwise fail to notice.

Anticipate

(FISA Olympic Continental Qualification Regatta For Asia
Shanghai Water Sports Complex
April 25-27, 2008)

Day 2: Morning was spent for Technical Rehearsal. I could not help but think again how precise and meticulous FISA people are. There was neither small nor unimportant detail.

Anticipate, anticipate, anticipate. Everything had to be checked, double-checked, and re-checked again. As Guylaine said, "you should always have back-ups".

But when I really think about it, we were dealing with dreams here. The best athletes have converged here. They prepared hard for this chance to qualify for the Olympics. It was up to the rest of us to ensure that they get equal chances in capturing that dream.

Safety and Fairness. Everything else are just details.

Important details.

Hit The Ground Running

(FISA Olympic Continental Qualification Regatta For Asia
Shanghai Water Sports Complex
April 25-27, 2008)

Off to Shanghai: I was pleasantly surprised that I breezed through check-in and immigration. I was quite prepared for a repeat experience of that trip last December where delays after delays happened. And where I traveled all alone, sans my accreditation card, feeling lost and confused amidst the SEA Games confusion.

I still couldn’t quite forget that missing accreditation. For whatever reason, they seemed to have lost all the documents that our national federation’s president previously submitted. I arrived in Bangkok with no accreditation card waiting for me. I had to stay long at the SEA Games information center at the airport while they tried to figure out what to do with me. I had to travel alone with a sleepy driver at past 2:00am to Patayya. I had to wait quite a while again for them to assign me my room at the hotel (because not one staff was at the hotel reception when I arrived). I was lost, sleepy, tired, and totally confused as to how messed up everything seemed to be.

I’m still technically a newbie in this international umpiring role. For years, I was an athlete. I traveled as a part of a team. I got used to everything being arranged for us already.

My FISA Umpire license, I guess, officially closed that chapter of my life and opened a new one. For one, James, Mark and I wouldn’t be doing umpiring duties all together. This means, there’ll be a lot of traveling…alone. And more importantly, it also often means hitting the ground running.

I think that it was in my last umpiring stint that it really dawned on me that an athlete’s life is by far the “easiest” during competitions. Because as an athlete, there’s really not much else to do but focus on the game and give 100% to that few minutes in which a year’s worth of preparation boils down to. Apart from that, an athlete’s mind has to be free of distractions. Everyone takes care of the athlete. No detail is so small just to ensure that each athlete competes in the best possible conditions.

So, with that “traumatic” experience still fresh in memory, I was fully prepared for the worst in Shanghai. This is probably why I was thrilled that my trip seemed to be seamlessly easy. From the check-in at NAIA (now I have my travel tax exemption ready), to the flight itself, everything was a breeze. This time, the flight was not delayed, there were no changes in the assigned boarding gate (we were not asked to transfer from one gate to another), and I arrived in Shanghai 30 minutes earlier than schedule.

I think it was midnight when I finally cleared immigration there (again, everything was quick and smooth). I was a bit worried no one would be there to pick me up (I was already thinking of Plan A down to Z). As soon as I emerged from the arrival, I saw the guy holding the big sign which says “FISA Olympic Continental Qualification Regatta Jury Members”. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and with a big smile approached the guy. As it turned out, I have two escorts, the driver and the representative from the organizing committee, who speaks English quite fluently. And that really made me happy.

My final destination is supposedly 1.5 hours away from Shanghai. We reached the hotel only about an hour after leaving the airport. Talk about flying on wheels. I was sleepy, a bit tired and ready to wait it out at the lobby. But to my surprise (again), Nick (our official liaison officer) was there waiting for me. I got my kit, with my accreditation ID, plus everything else. He took care of check-in and escorted me to my room. It was already 1:45am and I was thinking I’ll finally be able to get a good sleep when Nick told me I have to be finished with breakfast and ready at the lobby by 7:45 as all the umpires who have already checked-in will have a jury meeting at the venue plus other technical check-ups to do. Whew. I was suddenly worried I’d sleep through the alarm.

At exactly 7:40am Koji-san (Japan), Azuma-san (Japan), Tat Yeo (Singapore), Smita (India) and I were already on the bus. All dressed in FISA Umpire’s uniforms. All ready way before the scheduled time of pick-up from the hotel. All prepared to do what needs to be done.

Mike Tanner (FISA Events Commission Chair), Guylaine Bernier (FISA Umpiring Commission Continental Representative for North America), Nicholas Ee (FISA Umpiring Comission Continental Representative for Asia), Dr. Peter Kokas (FISA Medical Commission) and the other three Chinese FISA Umpires were already there.

The whole morning was for Jury meeting, orientation of the venue, and checking the minutest details for the next day’s technical rehearsal.

Once again, I couldn’t help but think that FISA Umpires have OC tendencies.