The Symmetry of Words

"...every city has a single word that defines it, that identifies most people who live there. If you could read people's thoughts as they were passing you on the streets of any given place, you would discover that most of them are thinking the same thought. Whatever that majority thought might be - that is the word of the city. And if your personal word does not match the word of the city, then you don't really belong there." ~ Eat, Pray, Love (p. 137)

When I think about the place I love so much, I think about how my word fits its word seamlessly. It's like that very first time I stepped foot in that place and how it changed me. My friend Anna Liese and I were so moved by that visit that we vowed to go back.

A few years passed and I have not put much thought about that promise I made to myself. But we did go back. Anna Liese in 2006 for a one-year scholarship while I went back a year after her for what turned out to be a most unforgettable experience that further cemented my love for that place.

In my heart, I truly believe that whatever my word and that place's word may be, they somehow merge in amazing harmony thus creating the music that is the beating of my heart.

Enough Could Mean Almost Anything

Okay, I admit, little persistent me doesn't find it easy to let go. I find it easy to come up with crazy thoughts like *I think I've had enough of this shit. I'll try to go off-course for a bit and test the waters. Who knows? A change of course may just be what I need.*

But I'm such a sucker to obligations that I tend to end up not doing anything about my decisions. Then something happens that just makes me do things without thought or reason. It's when I stand up, go, not look back, and not feel anything but absolute freedom and lightness. More importantly, I feel the bliss of overcoming extreme reactions to things that pushed me to the edge.

I like it when I'm in that zone. That's the place where nothing else matters except what matters to me. Sometimes, enough simply means: step back and breathe. This makes me think really hard now, how often do I say enough? And what do I really think about saying enough? Does it mean I cop out? Or is it just a reminder to consistently find time to step back and see if the course is good to continue on or a little veering off is needed.

I've said enough last week. I even challenged myself to do things, most of them I routinely do before anyway, just so I'd wake myself up from this stupor I'm in. Still, after seven days, I haven't even started doing most of them. I didn't even thought much about them. Until last night when I suddenly and strongly felt I've had enough. It was in that moment that without any conscious thought, I called it a day and went home much much earlier than usual.

Enough doesn't mean I'm copping out. Enough is not being irresponsible. Enough is just a temperature check that could mean almost anything. Now, what I do after I've indulged myself with all these enough business is another story. And that should be enough fodder for my blogs.

Roots

Last November 2007, a friend who's from Baguio was sent to Davao for training. One of the things he said about his impressions of Davao was "parang Baguio rin, maraming puno". I was struck by that because honestly, at that time, I couldn't imagine what he meant. I tried to sift through my mental images of Davao (which wasn't easy seeing that I come home mostly during Christmas holidays only and my last visit ended immediately after New Year of 2007). I compared it with more recent images of Baguio and, sadly, failed to grasp the connection (and one of my colleagues at work who's from Davao also shared my bewilderment).

So I put that comment on top of my "things-to-look-into-as-soon-as-I-get-home" list. That was precisely the reason why during the plane's touchdown at Davao's airport, I was gazing outside the plane's window and giving the scenery my undivided attention. True enough, I saw many trees a safe distance from the runway. The whole airport itself is nestled in a picturesque area. It seemed to me that it attempts to blend to its surroundings. It gives an impression of peace and quiet.

And while taking that very short ride home, I also noticed that there are indeed many trees along roadsides. Trees, houses, establishments, churches, and buildings mix well together. It's as if they've all managed to find their place in the world without infringing on each other's right to exist.

By the time I got home, I was fully convinced that my friend's right. Marami rin ngang puno sa Davao. And more importantly, the air feels (and if possible, smell) cleaner. Everything looks clearer to me, untainted by smog.

I think that distance has disabled some of my capacity to fully appreciate my hometown. This trip serves as a reminder of everything that I love about it. Laid back, peaceful, huge, prosperous, simple, developed...paradoxical. It's where my roots are. And there, they'll stay deeply entrenched.

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self-created traditions and other quirks...the Davao way

• fully-engaged moviegoers (first, a little history: every december my sisters, cousins and i watch a movie. it's mostly us older cousins treating the younger ones. in this case, it's me and my other sister doing most of the "treating". and since we do this after Christmas, we have an array of metro manila film fest entries to choose from.) going back to the topic...: this year, we chose to watch shake, rattle, and roll {enter number here}. just like in the past, almost everyone in the theater were really engaged. it's like a huge family watching tv at home. they laugh, scream, clap, etc. they react to their hearts' content and deadma na if others would find that jologs or what. basta masaya, go lang! seems to be the motto. fun!


• relaxing. life is so laid-back. jeepneys wait for you (you don't go around running after them). everyone walking in a relaxed pace, i seldom see people rushing like crazy. even cashiers in groceries take their time. so if you're always in a hurry (like me!), you'll be stressed while everyone remains calm.


• durian everything. from candies, to hopias, to cakes, to ice creams, to shakes, to coffees, and more. little wonder it's the country's durian capital.

All things great and beautiful

I've been feeling particularly chirpy for far longer than I'm used to. And today I realized that the reason for this feeling-on-top-of-the-world and everything-is-absolutely-bright-and-beautiful-I-don't-care-what-you-think kick-ass attitude is just plain happiness.

It's kind of weird accepting that I'm happy. Yes, that would be little Ms. Melancholic me being happy despite habitual efforts to dig through the mayhem between my ears. I've stowed enough loot to satisfy my constant wondering, seeking, pondering on the minutest things that are guaranteed to catapult me to the land of sadness. I imagine all the stuff inside, the tons of baggages preserved like relics encased in cold hard glasses. There's just so many things in there.

I'm a collector. Good or bad, I just collect everything. There's a load of stuff of every possible shapes and and sizes, inconvenient things that mold truths and half-truths, the intrusive facets of experiences gained, and so the epic goes on. Still, I can't seem to stop. The great and the mundane never lose their charm. And so I yield, I harvest, I store, and I wait for whatever it is that I'm waiting for.

For now, I'm just happy. Happy that I'm still standing despite a decade's worth of love lost, of finding and losing twice that someone who made me feel alive again after dying ten years' worth of deaths, of letting go of the familiar things that made me feel safe, of finding a new path to explore, and of finally accepting that I'm whole.

Everything is just absolutely great and beautiful because I've finally realized, I'm now much bigger than my previous self. I think my collection has quietly expanded me to make way for more stuff. And for that, I now have more room for all the things that life wishes me to have.

7 Things You Don't Know But I Do

Lizeth tagged me, so little clueless-on-tagging-me is doing it :-)
1. I am definitely a morning person. I like waking up early in the morning, regardless of the amount of sleep I had (or never had).
2. I like morning road runs. I like to feel the breeze on my face and see life unfold around me.
3. I miss Sanshou training so bad. I miss the ring where we train, the bags, the pads, and the feeling of torment and physical exhaustion that Sanshou gives.
4. I eat a lot. I love to eat especially desserts. Desserts are absolutely my best friends in life. To quote Ani's shirt: "I run for Chocolate."
5. I adore my family.
6. My recent trip to Tokyo was a dream come true. It was my second time to travel to Japan. The first one was in 2002, in Aioi City, for the Asian Championships. I remembered Anna Liese (my rower friend who is Japan-crazy as well) and I talking about our mutual love of Japan, their people, their culture, etc. and that we want to come back. True enough, August 2006 Anna Liese left for Japan for a one-year scholarship in grad school...and just recently, I did too for the JASA study tour. Dreams do come true!
7. I believe in volunteerism. I want to do things, little things, that would help others. My plans and ambitions in life lean mostly towards how I can make a difference in those things that make my heart bleed. I am a believer. I believe that every small thing that we can do, for the good of others and of this world, is important in the greater scheme of things.

Now that I am done...I will tag Macky.

Bigger than what keeps humanity small

"Human beings are much bigger than just making money." - Muhammad Yunus

Making money is of course a necessity especially for a third world citizen such as myself. The relentless pursuit of every possible means to earn the big bucks is no longer an exception to the rule. It is the rule.

It is easy to say that money is not everything, when you have so much of it that you do not know how it is to go hungry or live on the streets. Maybe it is this fear of not having enough that drives us further into feverish efforts to get ahead, earn a promotion, and ultimately earn 10 digit amounts to feel comfortably secure.

It is not a bad goal to have especially since money does make living easier. But what if that vision slowly begins to define you? What if in pursuit of money, things such as dreams, beliefs, and the capacity to embrace a cause are lost? What then?

Muhammad Yunus' words serve as a reminder that in the end, we are all bigger than just making money. If we look deeper into ourselves, there is a heart filled with dreams and yearnings to do something good for others. And if we really, really, look beyond what we fail to recognize in ourselves, perhaps we will see that there is that strong calling to embrace a cause that we are willing to make sacrifices for.